Demons (Lord of the Flies)

I've got the sun in my eyes…

My stomach filled

I can laugh with the best of them

Some would call this paradise

But it's my mind..

that runs with trouble

My ears are filled with demons

They gnash and scratch my eardrums

  darkening my thoughts

  blurring my sight

I hear them whispering

 like flies around a pig's head

 tearing down everything I worked so hard for

 I smell smoke in the air

I drag myself through the hours of the day

 the rhythm of life has an easy beat to follow

 even with the constant buzz of doubt

   swarming my head

That only clears when I have reached the top of the mountain

to see the truth

  to see the dark blue ocean

  and the flashes of people

   living to the beat of this life

I can think

I can feel

I understand the battle

The demons have nothing to say from this vantage point

But the silence is so hard to hold on to

as I walk the pig run

 down and down and down

 into the echo of their song

And the demons again invade my mind.

A Present

They say this life is a present…

But I can't find it.

I'm scrounging under the tree like a four-year-old.

Trying to find which box is mine.

Where is my name?

None of the tags reveal the present to be mine.

I see all the colored boxes.

I even shake a few.

So many beautiful bows

 and colorful paper.

I would be happy even with a small box.

For some reason, Santa has forgot about me this year.

My stocking is empty.

There's not even coal.

The fireplace sits cold and dark.

the cookies are gone from the plate.

I know that Santa has forgotten me this year. 

Standing on the Horizon

I’m standing on the horizon

Minutes from the dawn

Blackness covers me

Back to front

Stars still shine against the night

Of my soul

But you can’t find your footing

From a

Twinkle, Twinkle, little star

So I stand here

On that line

That division between earth and heaven

Bracing myself

For the slow fade

From night to day

Black to rose to blue

For the blindness I will encounter

Looking into the sun

But I have set my feet on the horizon

Because I have stumbled too long

In the darkness

Cracked my shin

Broken toes

It is time to find my direction

With the sun

There are days

There are days
  that simply fall into night
   eyes closed
    tired from doing nothing

Weeks pass into years
  that create in us memory loss
   until we wonder
    where did the time go

Sons and daughters
  that become Women and Men
  never coming back
   to ring the bell of the door
    they left

The City Stretches

The city stretches

 Under a grey morning

Streetlights shimmer in the cool mist

Hinting toward a violent winter

Hushed voices mingle between

Sips of coffee and final morning yawns

Intensity rumbles like traffic

As a day's work begins

The city stretches

 Under a grey morning

Another Morning

It is 6:38 in the morning

The middle of the week

We use the elevator for two floors

 because our young daughters like to push the buttons

The morning room is filling up with kids

Parents pass each other with simple nods of the head

  Hi-ho, Hi-ho, it is off to work we go

We give hugs and kisses

Set our five-year-old by the window

 we will wave goodbye to her in the parking lot

A normal weekday routine

   we head out the door

She stood there grabbing his hand

  pulling him up and back to the morning room

He has to tip-toe to keep up

   he has a mischievous grin on his face

She mumbles something about staying in the room

Her coat is a doll red from the weather of years

  Her frown reveals the weight of those storms

We have crossed paths during these mornings

She never smiles

  but today she glares at me as we pass

  I feel her snap judgment as I recognize my own

I turn for a second

 with a thousand darts ready to fire

Sarcastic apologies run through my head

 Sorry, we, my wife and I, do this together

 Sorry, my daughters smile at 6:30 in the morning

 Sorry, but we also have rough mornings

I turn away

 trying to buffer her gaze with my thoughts

 to shield my day from her judgment

The rest of the kids race to the mini van

I kiss my wife goodbye

We both wave to our daughter in the second story window

  and I walk toward my car

And there she is

 walking from the doors

 a hard set pace

 child free

 but with the same deep wrinkled frown

Our eyes meet again

  there is no nod

And as I reach for a dart

  I am suddenly filled with regret

I have never seen her smile

Today she walks to a car

  but I know we have passed her in the morning

  as she and her child walk

    even in the rain

I am not sorry for my family

or for the work I’ve done to reach this place

I am sorry I forgot the struggle

 I am sorry for the untold tragedies

 for the lost joy of children

Sorry for the storms that seem to rage

  no matter the season

  and last so long

  there is no rainbow at the end

And I am sorry I jumped to a snap judgment

By chance our cars face each other

 I nod a good morning

She does not nod back

 

Another Round

   The bell sounds again
I lift myself off the wooden stool
   My legs
     concrete blocks shuffling to the center
          of the ring

Another round

I lift my hands
   tied into old gloves
   the stuffing beat down
      blood seeping from my knuckles
   darkening the worn leather

I am tired
  My opponent
           Pops his neck
           Shuffles his feet
He looks as fresh as a new day

I know I will have to dodge and weave
   and pray I land a lucky punch
I breathe deeply
Close my eyes for a second